The Meaning of Life
The eternal question. What is the meaning of life? I believe that we must first understand what life is, before we understand what the meaning of life is. Life means sitting in a building for six hours a day, listening to some cranky old bitch yelling at you, because she isn't getting any. Then, when that's over, and you have a little break from "life," you go outside, start up a conversation with some friends to try to decide what sort of drug you'll be taking later tonight. The only reason you even do drugs, is for a change. For a challenge. For something to keep you interested. So you walk outside, It's raining, you don't want to get wet. So you spark up a cigarette 3cm onto the school's property. Like clockwork, another 50 year old bitch on a powertrip, not to mention menopause, comes out and suspends you, because you're smoking on school property, for 3 days. You go home pissed of as all hell at how ignorant some people can be, but happy at your 3 day vacation. Then everyone wonders why you have "problems with authority." Maybe it's because you've seen authority abused your entire life.
You come back after 3 days, just so sit in the same building and be taught things you already know for another 6 hours. Just in case it's something that you do not know, you are taught it so slowly that you forget what the hell you were learning by the end of it. The work is so tedious, repetitive, and boring that you don't do your homework at night. You come back the next day, and are told for the 89th time that homework is an essential part of learning, and that you learn things better with practice. Who are they to know how well you learn, and how you should learn? Why don't you get to decide these things? I'll tell you why, because all of this democracy "freedom of rights and speech" shit is made up by some fat, drunken idiot who calls himself President, or Premier, or Prime Minister. Democracy eh? Can you vote? No. Can you decide for yourself? Of course not. Do you get told what to do every minute of every day? Absolutely. Can you do anything about it? Not without consequences. So where is this democracy I've been preached about my whole fucking life? What a load of shit.
Sounds like a dictatorship. Why did you even leave Russia? You left the communists (which wasn't such a bad idea, it just got lost somewhere along the line) to come to a better world. A "democracy." Might as well just go to Iraq and wait being bombed by a country ran by the Mafia. No, No, Wait. Too late for that now, here they come. Fuck.
Getting back on the topic of life, you finish school. You get a job. You hate your boss, your neighbor is an asshole, your wife is a slut. You best friend turns out to be gay, and even when you accept that, he's hit by a car while fucking his boyfriend up the ass in the middle of King St.
That, my friends, is life. I could go on and on about this, but I think you have a pretty good idea of how I feel on this topic. Now that you understand what life is, it shouldn't be too hard to grasp what the meaning of it all is. It's quite simple if you really think about it. The meaning of life is to die. You die poor, old, hungry, cold, and alone. The same way you were born. So why would you go through it all, even though you know it will end? Because you only live once.
- Mike Ravkine, 04/21/99